Sunday, November 30, 2008

It's all about me

Well, today I woke up with a wicked headache - I get them occasionally and, being a frustrated doctor, naturopath, homeopath or herbalist (depending on the year), I always self diagnose. If I am feeling optimistic, the headache, as painful as it is and as regular the onslaught, I determine it must be a migraine. When more melancholic, I figure its probably a brain tumour that will get me in the end. When being analytical, I am positive it is an aneurism, seeing that both my maternal grandfather and uncle were plagued by them.

I've had them off and on since 1989. I remember vividly the first one I had - it woke me up out of a dead sleep with intense pain. I was terrified - pale, alternately throwing up and having diarhea, I would've gone to ER if I hadn't been in such pain that I couldn't bear the thought of going anywhere. I suspect that onset was due to hormones, since I was perimenopausal at the time.

Since then, I have developed a strategy to outwit the headache, thanks in large part to my friend Anne, who, a sufferer of migraines herself, gave me the first truly meaningful explanation of them. The short version - people predisposed to migraines have blood vessels that, after stress induced constriction, do not return to their full, normal diameter. Long periods of stress result in the blood vessels becoming so narrow that the brain feels shortchanged in the blood department and sends an SOS to the arterial blood vessels who in response open wide, all of a sudden. However, no one told the veins, responsible for draining blood from the head, and besides they have to wend their way through the tensed up muscles of the neck. So the whoosh of blood to the head without an equal egress, ends up being a migraine.

Armed with this explanation, I now have a strategy - when I wake up with a whopper I:
  1. down either aspirin or ibuprofen (acetominophen does not work as it is not an anti-inflammatory) and hope I don't throw it up again (it doesn't always take away the headache, but it usually will dull it),
  2. drag myself to the couch, prop myself into a sitting position (gravity helps the veins empty the head),
  3. place a heat pack on my neck to losen and relax the neck muscles,
  4. put a cold compress on the painful site (always my left temple), and
  5. do my best to not resist the pain. Resisting pain only intensifies it.
Sometimes this strategy will get me back to normal within a few hours. Sometimes it doesn't. Today, it worked alright. I'm up at the computer, but the headache is still there, subdued by the aspirin, but still annoyed.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

The Challenge of Commitment

The gauntlet has been thrown down - if writing is my passion, the thing I have been uniquely created to do, then do it I must. I have several reasons for believing that it is - the year long wrestling with questions of "mission" and "passion", the nudge by God to "just write", the open doors of opportunity to do so, including the most current one - support from Employment Insurance to develop a freelance writing business.

Why then do all sorts of fears plague me? Until now, I had written for my own pleasure, occasionally sharing my writing with others. The shift to a place of priority is taking its toll - revealing the insecurities and doubts under girding a life not fully lived.

My beautiful spiritual adviser keeps reminding me to receive all the gifts God has for me, to give an equal welcome to the difficult and painful ones as to the easy and pleasant.

My skilled counselor encourages me to acknowledge and receive my own emotions, allowing them to inform me of my inner realities, bringing them to the light.

My wonderful friends think I'm crazy to be so angst-ridden by the blessing of this opportunity to follow my dreams.

So, grinding through the grist of my own mill, I will...fear of commitment assails me and I want to insert all sorts of qualifiers here, but, no...gulp...writesomethingforthisblogeveryday. There, it's done.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Apologies re: Crazy Idea and Revelations series defaulting

Well, there have been about 90 hits on this BLOG, and no comments ??? So I'm not sure who to address this apology to - myself, perhaps, since I'm sure I make up at least half of the hits... Anyway, I've neglected my BLOG these last few months for other writing projects and have fallen down on my commitment to share my stunningly brilliant (tic) thoughts with you all, who ever you are. And, I must confess to having far fewer crazy ideas than I thought. So, I apologize for false advertising on both counts.